SUSPICIOUS MINDS

There we were, in the mouth of the beast. Our only friend? The King.


It was cold and rainy last night in Columbus when my girlfriend and I pulled onto West Lane Avenue on Ohio State's campus to check out The Varsity Club. Lauded by every Buckeye fan and Columbus visitors' guide we saw, we thought we'd see how the corner bar and restaurant could stack up to some of State College's favorite haunts.

Inside it was at least two-thirds Ohio State fans, but the Nittany Lion supporters that were there were vocal. As the beer continued to flow, it seemed that more and more Penn Staters started walking through the door and soon, we had taken it over. We started singing PSU Rock N' Roll, and even having a former Nittany Lion runner-up do 45(!) one-handed pushups on the bar floor after a "We Want the Lion" chant went up. Satisfied that we had painted that place Blue and White, we decided to check out another scene.

We had heard that something called "Hineygate" was going on at the Holiday Inn down the street. Unfortunately for us, we were one day early. Hineygate is every Saturday, Friday night is Buckeye Karaoke night. Whoops.

Refusing to be daunted by the scarlet and gray that filled the place, we, the absolute only Penn State fans in the place, shouldered up to the bar and ordered a couple of Shocktops. Leslie asked the two Buckeye fans that didn't look like they spent time in a correctional facility if we could sat down. We got plenty of dirty looks, but our new Ohio State fans, Dick and Dan, were great.

Heeding Dan's request to spread some Penn State cheer, the scene from Pee Wee's Great Adventure shot through mind when Pee Wee dances to "Tequila" in the biker bar to save his life. I grabbed the Karaoke binder and picked the one song that could turn the place in our favor.

My name was called and when I stood up to walk to the stage, boos rained down on me. It was great, I felt like an athlete. The karaoke leader asked if I wanted to sing the PSU fight song but I declined, explaining, "I don't want to be lynched tonight."

I grabbed the mic and, looking out over the Buckeye bar, said, "I know we have a huge game tomorrow night and we'll all be enemies at eight o'clock. But tonight, I want to bring us all together with The King." Then the first few bars of Suspicious Minds hit...it was like an out-of-body experience for me.

If you've never seen me sing karaoke, it might be hard to envision how singing one song can make the whole bar cheer for me, but I did it. I changed some of the lyrics around and strutted my stuff Mic Jagger-style all over the stage until the music faded out and a standing ovation escorted me back to my table. Within a few minutes, a waitress came over and told us that, "The gentleman at the bar would like to buy you two a drink."

A few minutes of Elvis Presley had turned us from persona non grata to "practically family" at the Holiday Inn of Columbus. Later, we met an awesome guy from Scranton who looked just like Jeff Bridges and had a few more beers before walking out to head back to the hotel.

Columbus is not, and never will be confused with, State College, Pa. From the way the fans were acting last night, you would think that it's the Buckeyes that are ranked in the top three and favored to win tonight. They might underestimate the Nittany Lion football team, but for those who were out last night, they'll never again underestimate Penn State fans.